im drinking this country out of the recession.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
