I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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