Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
