i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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