Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
