I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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