I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
