i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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