This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
