Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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