I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
