I'm jealous of your bromance
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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