what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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