dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
