I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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