Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
