Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
