She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
