I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
