Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
