and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
