Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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