I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
