Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
