You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
