You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
