Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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