so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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