my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
