Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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