So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
