Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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