T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
