the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Please don't give away my fajitas
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
