You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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