It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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