Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
