Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
