Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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