Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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