In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
