Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
