this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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