I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
