don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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