i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
