i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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