she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
