So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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