Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
